I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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