Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
