I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
4 words: hood of his car
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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