I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
