Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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