I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
