Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
