I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
