Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
