This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize