woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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