seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
