Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize