i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
