Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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