Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
