she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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