I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
