Four minutes until I can fart!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
