My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
