So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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