I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
