sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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