okay pat passed out under dana's car
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
