Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
