my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
