So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
