; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
