I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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