I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
