Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
