its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
