Me too!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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