my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Found your dick twin last night
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize