Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
