The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
