taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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