i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize