stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
