my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
