she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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