So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize