i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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