Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Randomize
