I look better un-naked...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
