So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
