no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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