were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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