I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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