then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
