I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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