you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
