at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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