we're chasing vodka with high fives
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize