We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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