it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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