i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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