Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
