i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
