i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
