every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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