And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize