Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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