my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
