Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
