I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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