did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
ttyl tear gas
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
