Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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