I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
