I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
