dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
