i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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