Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
