i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
