So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
