On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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