some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
we're so committed to being not committed
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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