Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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