porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
