dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
