is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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