i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
