There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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