I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
