It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize