i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
