College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
