if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
