At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
bring money and cleavage
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
