There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
