Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
