You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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