Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
