He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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