Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
