I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize