i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize