i think my tv is drunk
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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