im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
